Tears of Sadness

If you haven't read my previous post "Thank God for High School Spanish Class" read that first. It sets the tone for my tears for this post. After calling a little kid on his spanish insult of my son's umbrella, the bus approached. Ethan got in line and boarded the bus and sat right in the front seat, just like mommy and daddy advised him to do. He stood up and watched the rest of the kids board the bus, a look of expectancy that someone would sit with him. He didn't care that he didn't know the majority of them, he just wanted a friend and have someone sit with him. He was expressing concern at the breakfast table this morning that no one will sit with him on the bus because everyone already knows eachother (yesterday kids who were neighbors sat next to eachother) and he doesn't. I tried to comfort him explaining that yesterday was just the first day and he will get to know more people as time goes on. That doesn't suffice for Ethan because he is a #1 approval and friend seeker. If he doesn't have someone to play with or talk to, it is the end of the world. If we go to the park, and there isn't anyone there other than Andrew, he is bored to tears. He loves to be with other kids and get their "approval." Ethan is shy initially and will not make the first move. He will make himself be near other kids and wait for them to ask him to play. He strategically places himself near others hoping they will notice him and invite him over. So, as I saw the rest of the kids pile on the bus, including the couple of older kids Ethan did knnow, walk right past Ethan, I started to cry. The tears welled up and I was so sad. I know exactly how Ethan was feeling. The yearning for someone to take that first step and say "hi" or sit with him. If being on the bus for the first time by yourself isn't hard enough, Ethan just makes it harder by placing expectations on it. He expected to have friends right away and expected to have someone sit with him, even after I explained that he doesn't really know anyone yet. I can just bet his heart was breaking with each person that walked past him. As the bus pulled away, my tears increased and I slowly walked home with Andrew. Ethan craves companionship and desires friends of all ages and unfortunately these other kids don't know that. I hope Ethan is able to initiate some friendships or maybe he will be able to identify other lonely kids in the future and make them feel welcome and less lonely. That is my desire.